Depression? (long post)

No... I dun have depression... at least NOT YET... haha... no lah... not as close to getting as some of my frenz...

But the feeling sux... duno izzit unable to recover from holiday mood... or becoz of the hectic LAST week of sch (i tot last week is supposed to be nua de?)... or becoz of the "kopi sessions"... ya i kana "drink kopi" again, tis time with my RO... who broke to me the "good news" tat i am scheduled for another "kopi session" with the P & VP... here I am, trying to quit coffee... but keep kana-ing the other type of "kopi"... I prefer the old normal type of coffee... haiz...

Now I'm starting to slightly understand wat those suffering from depression or those super-pessimistic people feels... it's like EVERYTHING is not going well for u... like TROUBLE keeps coming your way... the worst things tat u fear will happen ALL happen... is like heaven is leaving u with NO WAY OUT... the whole depressing feeling is juz suffocating sia...

Even trivial things in life... becomes such a big deal during such low periods... for example, I juz had the WORST dinner cooked by my mum in years (or maybe ever)... long beans with bean curd, some vegetarian dish (the flour type with machiem no taste), bittergourd soup (as if feeling bitter no enuff)... aiyo... for all of u who know me, do u tink i can eat these? my mum definitely knows... duno wat drove her to cook up tis menu... lost my appetite... din even finish one-quarter of my plate of rice... get my point when I said felt like EVERYTHING not going well for u?

Since my school days, my frenz have been admiring me for my positive attitude in life... machiem always so happy-go-lucky & stress-free... machiem like I can handle stress beri well... but guess it's the opposite ba... it's practically becoz I cun handle stress tat I choose not to face it most of the time... but when faced with situations where I cun avoid the problems & stress (like now), I am the type tat breaks down most easily...

During the KL trip, I realli enjoyed myself... basking myself in the crap & nonsense of my buddies... but I found myself unable to smile & laff at some of their silly antics & jokes... even some of them commented "Jiawei nowadays so serious liao..." haiz... I dun wana be serious... I dun like being serious... it's juz not me... I always want to retain tat childish innocence, no matter how old I become... coz kids are always happier than adults... they are happy over simple things while adults are nv contented & always stressed over EVERYTHING... but slowly, I find myself losing tat simplicity & innocence... maybe forced by society, by work, by adulthood itself...

Sorry for my long blabbering... and thanks for your patience in reading tis long post (not many will read everything, I guess)... but I tink pouring out all your woes is beta than keeping them all trapped inside your heart...

Suan le... unhappy stuff will pass (I believe)... lucky tmr is the last day of school le (althou next week still have remedial)... I cun imagine if I kana all tis sh*t at the beginning of the term... so for now, grumble finish, time to move on, look forward to more positive things... sat meeting the NIE "sisters"... long time no see them liao... sat evening Kaikok's wedding, can meet up with the guys (army buds) again, in full strength (almost) tis time... hokkaido trip coming soon (!)...

I must realli pamper myself tis June holidays... spas & massages is a must-have... will splurge & totally enjoy myself in hokkaido... maybe I'll get myself a PSP (been considering for quite some time)... maybe I'll try to organize another trip before holiday ends, a short one if possible... anyone interested?

Lidat spend $... after holidays have to eat bread liao... but who cares? enjoy 1st, tink later...