Ramblings Of A (Almost) Mad Man

By right I should be studying instead of blogging right now… but feeling damn frustrated and grumpy… nid to vent my frustrations abit or else will go crazy… so come online grumble grumble… to get things off my chest… feeling suffocated oredi…

Bad mood… but not due to study until stress like many of my nie frenz… my case is different… for me, I cun even find the mood to study in the 1st place… guess I am suffering from withdrawal symptoms… nono… dun misunderstand… I’m not on drugs or anything lidat… I am addicted to NUAHing… since lessons ended (or way b4 tat), I oredi declared myself in holiday mood liao… holidays are always relaxing… too relaxing… I can feel my brain growing dull n my bones dissolving… I’m slowly evolving into a piece of slime tat juz goes “splat” when drop on the floor… Then suddenly, the alarm starts ringing… exams are juz around the corner by the time I realize… the feeling is like u were soaring freely in the skies in ur private jet when ur engines suddenly fail n u were sent plunging to the ground…

Work… study… it juz pisses me off… I started and completed my assignment report yesterday… others took many days to plan, think, research and do their reports… I did everything in one day (actually it’s juz abt 3 hours)… it’s not becoz I’m smart or efficient or anything lidat… the truth is from the moment I started doing, my mood juz got from bad to worse… starting was sianz, then bored, then frustrated, ended wif f**king pissed-off… end product? A stinky piece of slip-shod work which I tink others can complete in half an hour… honestly speaking, if I am the teacher, I would fail the report w/o hesitation… thou the report carries 50% of the total grade for the module, I am not in any mood to seriously care…

Today… here I am again… feeling shitty… my notes are all lying in one forgotten corner of the room… my 1st paper is on Tuesday… but I cun find the motivation, spirit or urgency to even START my revision… it’s getting demoralizing… I see the TV feel like watching TV, I see my PS2 feel like playing game, I see my handphone feel like calling my frenz to go out jalan jalan, I see my bookshelf feel like reading comics, I see my wardrobe I tink abt the pile of porno vcds inside I still haven’t watch… it’s like everything I see is trying to distract me from studying… of course I din succumb to any of the temptations but tis battle to resist them is wearing me out… I find myself juz staring into blank space like a zombie… then I see my laptop, and here I am, blogging to grumble, moan, nag, curse and swear…

Oh… When can I find the willpower to study?